kid | The View Through The Window

I am done

Posted on May 21, 2015 by sheemsters

Shit, it’s been a long week.

I recently completed a 48 hour school workathon, which is the only type of marathon you will ever find me participating in.

I can assure you, it was just as much of a bitch as the real thing.

Seriously, I think I’m applicable for the Guinness Book of World Records or something.

By the time I hit the last submit button, I was almost awash in tears of relief.

I am DONE DONE DONE with school for now. And I am ready for a vacation.

That’s why The View Through the Window is going to Florida!

Our vacations are usually on the shorter side. We take four day treks to a city within a few hours drive and get back home in just enough time to say mother eff, tomorrow’s Monday!

But this year we decided that a good vacation is a very important part of life. Everyone needs to exit the traffic circle of work, school, home, repeat once in a while.

And what can be a better destination than the happiest place on earth?

After that bitch school workathon, I needed to find a happy place.

I still have my concerns, though. The drive from Chicago to Florida is around 18 hours long. Add my kids to it and we might as well hire a donkey cart for our mode of transportation.

We’d probably get there just as fast.

Flying is completely out of the question. I swore I would never board an airplane with my boys again after my last plane ride, one of the many highlights of which was my very concerned son, a first time flier, asking things like why there were so many cops at the airport, was something wrong with the plane, would it crash and would we all die?

Loud and clear enough for everyone on board to hear. He apparently inherited my flying apprehensions.

This was me.

Everyone knows you don’t say crash when you’re on a plane, especially if you’re a Muslim. I couldn’t believe it, but most people just laughed when they heard him voice his concerns.

Me? I almost threw up all over my friendly fellow passenger from the stress, combined with plenty of air sickness.

I’d rather drive to and back from Florida ten times than go through that again. Any humiliation we experience will be confined to the privacy of our van.

I tried to persuade my husband to postpone the trip until our kids were older, but he was adamant that they were at just the right age to experience the magic that is Disney.

And because he’s paying for everything, I felt I should agree.

And when I did, he was all

So we are going. Suitcases have been packed, Florida relatives have been notified, and neighbors have been asked to keep an eye on our place for us until we return.

Wish us luck! I am sure one hour into the drive I will want to shoot myself, but I believe in living in the moment. And in miracles.

Last week was also my birthday. I am now 31 26 years old.

Here are some birthday dinner pictures.

Half the menu consisted of alcohol 😦

Came with the bread

Delicious

Smoked salmon appetizer

Vegetable tagine

Chocolate mousse

Creme Brulee

My mom refused to eat the restaurant’s prized steaks because “they bleed when you slice into them”, so she ordered that enormous vegetable tagine instead.

Here comes the best part about birthdays.

It pays to be old.

Me zero, facebook still counting

Posted on December 22, 2014 by sheemsters

I’m mad at Facebook. Hmph. Imagine an angry Winnie the Pooh with his arms crossed and you’ve got my current look. I’ve been told I resemble the honey junkie. I don’t see it, but I take it as a compliment. I’d rather share similarities with him than that wuss Piglet or emo Eyore.

One upon a time Facebook used to be a good way to keep in touch with your far away friends and relatives. Slowly, though, it’s turned into just a platform for showcasing who has the best what. It was inevitable. That’s what happens when people interact. Our internal wiring is fixed to compare and compete. It’s an ingrained human trait which social media has taken to a whole different playing field. We now have the power to be jealous and petty electronically. Yay to ‘one giant leap for mankind’!

What’s the worst thing about Facebook? The Facebookers of course! What’s the most annoying type of Facebooker? That’s easy.

That honor goes to the lives on and through social media type. You know, the one who takes up half your news feed? Every movement is a status update?

I just shat! Five minutes later. Now flushing what I shat. Two minutes later. Need to wash my hands! Two more minutes later. Done washing my hands! One minute later. Hmm, who thinks I might have diarrhea? He he. Well, I don’t know about the stuff coming out of your ass, but you are releasing a whole lotta shit via that keyboard.

Then we have the compulsive liar. The one who leaves comments that make you think her job title must be professional ass kisser. Wow, I’m so jealous! You look so beautiful in that picture! No. No she doesn’t. She looks like a bloated Effie Trinket crossed with John Travolta’s drag look from Hairspray. Even she knows it.

The bullshitter. My career’s going great! I’m in talks to be the first Indian James Bond! Really? That’s awesome. Real step up from your last job as token brown guy in IHOP commercial.

The Selfie! queen. Thinks she’s the next Victoria Secret angel when she looks more like the Taco Bell chihuahua with heavy makeup.

The ultra clingy wife/girlfriend. One word. BAE. I don’t think there are any other three letters in the alphabet that when combined sound so. fucking. annoying.

The show off. The lady whose sole purpose on social media is to show us how great the version of her life inside her head is. Because outside of it everyone can see it’s a total shit fest.

The Matriarch. Pops out one kid every year in order for more Facebook posting material. Numbers 1, 2, and 3 were cute. Number 8 is making me wonder what birth control failed you so I can sue the company for abetting mental torture.

To be honest, I know I’ve been guilty of most of these at some point. Not the show off one, though. I can’t even drink myself to that point of delusion. Not that I drink. Or that I fancy delusions of a perfect life. Who wants to be perfect when you can have fun being just you?

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah! My son is incredibly bored with his first day off from school so I told him to go draw clothes on the ladies of my Victoria Secret catalog.