tree | The View Through The Window

Getting our interfaith dialoguing on

Posted on December 13, 2014 by sheemsters

The Christmas tree our son wanted is now up in our living room! It’s a cute little addition. We know nothing about tree selection and yes, this is the one you saw on sale in your Big Lots catalog. It gets the job done. My kids are giddy with excitement and the little one wants to check the chimney to make sure Santa isn’t stuck up there. The man has to be the only celebrated fat person on the planet.

Yesterday we went to see some lovely Christmas lights at a park near my husband’s office. The only bad thing that happened was that we got honked at for a full two minutes by some jerk who apparently was going to shit his pants or have a reindeer crash land into his car. I felt guilty about giving him the finger, in light of the holiday season and all, but come on mofo, get into the Christmas spirit. Take the candy cane outta your ass.

Here’s to some more peace and harmony in the world. And much less snow. I know people like a white Christmas and all but I really really hate the stuff. You can’t blame me because I live in Chicago, a beautiful city where a white Fourth of July is within the realm of possibility. I’ll wrap it up here with a little joke about how Chicago has two seasons, winter and construction. Thanks to the effects of global inequality we have now added corruption and violence. You know what they say. Come to Chicago for the fun and stay because you got shot. I don’t know who says that but it’s pretty funny. I love you, my frozen little icecap of a hometown.

In this corner, the jolly fat guy. In this corner, the other jolly fat guy.

Posted on November 28, 2014 by sheemsters

My seven year old wants to celebrate Christmas. He’d like a Christmas tree with the the works. He insists on presents and stockings. My husband remembers asking the same from his parents when he was that age. I do too. Christmas probably has the distinction of being the most beloved holiday for kids, because of this guy.

What’s not to love about Santa? He’s a fat old jolly dude that brings free toys. Which is great and all except for one minor technicality – we’re not Christian. We’re Muslim. In our house, Dec 25 usually just means we get to sleep in and you have to buy essentials early the day before because even the zombies at Walmart get the day off.

But try telling my kids that. I wouldn’t know where to start. Saying Santa only visits Christian homes makes him sound like a selective, prejudiced bastard, so that was out.

Before you tell me to haul my non conforming ass back to my own country, let me tell you that celebrating or not celebrating Christmas is not the issue here. We respect all religions and to take part in the festivities of any holiday, be it Christmas or Diwali, would just mean more fun for us. Besides, Muslims love Jesus just as much as Christians do. I look forward to buying a little tree and sticking some presents underneath it, while telling my sons I texted Santa the code to our alarm system so he won’t set off the motion sensor.

The issue is that for my kids, Christmas is Cinderella and Eid her fat footed, big nosed sister. No, we don’t celebrate Ramadan, just like you don’t celebrate November. Eid is the name of the holiday and Ramadan is the the holy month that precedes it. In the voting booths of kids brains everywhere, Christmas has taken a far lead over Eid, since one means presents and the other means a month of daily food deprivation. Clear winner here. This isn’t the presidential election of 2000.

In an effort to make the holiday more appealing to kids, my husband and his college friends once thought up a character by the name of Eid Saeed. A Muslim Santa Clause. I don’t know what they were smoking when they did it. Eid Saeed would shake things up for the holiday, all right. The idea of a Muslim guy who enters U.S. air space by magic and goes into people’s homes in the dead of night with a bag full of things you can’t see is definitely going to excite people. Especially the authorities.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I really don’t have any solution to the aforementioned problem so that’s right, I’m just going to leave things hanging. We already make Eid an occasion more enjoyable for our kids than visiting Disney World. I’m not going to fly Mickey Mouse out here now, too, because his ginormous rodent ass only travels first class.