I wouldn’t go there

It takes me a long time to get ready and out of the house.  I take long showers, do my hair three different ways before I’m finally happy with the way it looks, and try to put together an outfit that doesn’t hug back fat or show cleavage.

That last one can take an hour in itself.

So sometimes I’m just not up to the challenge.  Sometimes I just want to put on a comfy pair of pajamas, sprawl out onto the sofa, and enter into a coma of laziness.

Most people think that as a stay at home mom, I get plenty of rest during the weekdays and weekends should be reserved for chores and activities.

Eff that shit.

This describes it for me.

vacation

Here’s a snippet of a conversation my husband and I had recently :

Hey, want to go out to Menard’s or Home Depot?

– No.

I noticed the boys’ room needs new blinds.  We could take a look and see what they have.

– I don’t want to. 

Apparently he thinks “no” means I’m playing hard to get.

But we could get new blinds for the whole house.

– I don’t care.  I like our house ugly.

What if the neighbors happen to look in and see you naked?

Send them your condolences.

That last question was just plain silly.  We have nice neighbors who pay way too much attention to their lawn and don’t really seem interested in a game of peek a boob.

Anyway, this past weekend I had to be productive, whether I wanted to or not, because my in laws were visiting.

And we had a wedding to attend.

And it was my mother in law’s birthday.

And my brother’s birthday.

And I had homework.

So on Friday I slept for a grand total of four and a half hours and got my ass up at the crack of Sheema, get up, your alarm has been going off for an hour already!

I washed, scrubbed, mopped, cleaned, dusted, vacuumed, swept, and cooked.  Every time I thought I could rest, I remembered something else that had to be done.

By the afternoon, I was all

a-mess

Then it was time to take my tired ass to the wedding.  By that point, I just didn’t care anymore.  I could’ve been sporting facial hair the size of a cat’s whiskers and I still wouldn’t do anything about it.

I put on the same thing I wore to the last wedding I attended, stuck a bobby pin in my hair, popped in some earrings and off we went.

And because I am tired of typing, here are some pictures.

That was our Friday.

Saturday we went to Lincoln Park Zoo, which meant five hours of constant walking.  Yay.

The day ended with a fabulous meal at a Mediterranean restaurant called Fatoush.  If you’re ever in the Chicago area, I highly recommend it.

Another thing I’d recommend if you visit Chicago : Don’t visit Lincoln Park Zoo.

Sure, they have great views, but apparently they decided it meant that they can short change on the animals.

The exhibits are small, the walking areas are cramped, and traffic/parking is a nightmare.

Everything got done over the weekend except for my homework, which I have been putting off in favor of the funner stuff in life.

Not that blogging is still fun.  I’m actually getting pretty bored of not for profit writing.

But it beats having to deal with political science  and anthropology.

At this rate, I will fail and remain education/degree less for the rest of my life.

I will be old and fat and working at Walmart until I die.

Oh well.  At least I have a plan.

I have converted from hateful comedianism

I used to be a Bill Maher fan.  I liked the way he approached his topics and discussions.  Without fear and with no attempts at being diplomatic.  He never seemed scared or intimidated by anything.

His body language was always of someone at ease, no matter what he was dealing with.  He once wowed me with his ability to get Ann Coulter to shut up.  I don’t know if you are familiar with the woman, but it’s quite the accomplishment.

Then this happened.  😯

What he said doesn’t surprise or shock me.  I’ve heard it all before.  He’s entitled to his views and opinions.  Whatever people want to believe is up to them.

I’m just disappointed that Maher generalized.  That’s such a Fox News thing to do.  I thought he was better than that.

And I have just one question.

When the hell did Muslims ever agree on an issue enough to classify it as the mainstream view? 

Muslims concurring?  That’s news to me.  That headline can definitely “break the internet.”  It’s got even more potential than Kim K’s giant oily ass.

We can’t even agree on when to celebrate our two holidays.  Yeah, just two.  The Islamic calendar runs according to the lunar cycle, so classic discussions about when to hold the occasion of Eid have been Is the moon visible?  Did <enter far off relative> in <enter farther off country> see it?  Was it hiding behind a tree?  It was?! 

In that case, I think I’ll celebrate it the day after my third cousin’s great uncle’s daughter in law’s granny does.  You know, just to be sure, in case Allah is watching and he gets mad that we missed the chance to argue over something. 

My husband no longer calls it moon sighting.  He says the correct term is now moon fighting.

Maher would like us to believe the majority of Muslims support the criminals that perpetrated the violence in France.  That the extremist view is the dominant view.  But what about the Muslim police officer that was one of the twelve victims?  And the Muslim employee at the Kosher deli?  What about Malala Yousafzai and her family?  Abdul Sattar Edhi?  Ahmed Aboutaleb?

Did these people just miss the memo or what?

As the actions of the crazy fucked up minority of the religion get more frequent, I am seeing more of the world calling for the peace loving ones of us to do something about it.  I think they see it as sort of like asking parents why the eff they don’t do something about their delinquent kids.  Except I don’t remember giving birth to evil monsters. Shudders.

That delivery would’ve been something.  Forget the birth. Just consider the episiotomy.

My cousin is more religious than I am.  She covers her hair and I don’t.  She doesn’t gossip and I do.  A lot.   She’s involved with social work and I’m not.  My contribution to the community is to keep my kids from fighting in public places.

We both follow the same book.  She interprets verses one way while I interpret them another.  I don’t say she’s right and she doesn’t say I’m wrong.  We are both free to practice the religion as we see fit.

I don’t understand, then, why we are to blame, apologize, or take responsibility for someone who doesn’t follow her version or my version but chooses to espouse his own evil, perverted version.  I fail to see what we have to do with that.  Or what Buddhists have to do with this.  Or Hindus have with this.

Say we followed the religion of shapes.  I liked circles and you liked squares.  And then some dumb ass mofo decides to bust out a triangle.  Do we give up our love of geometry?

Am I getting anywhere with this, or is my circle story pointless? 😆

It might be for whom nothing we say is enough.  We can condemn until the cows come home and make buttermilk.  We can preach nonviolence, hold interfaith gatherings, give interviews, but they’ll still insist “Maybe most Moslems peaceful, but until they recognize and destroy their growing jihadist cancer they must be held responsible.” 

Thanks, Rupert Murdoch.  How the hell did you get where you are if you can’t even spell Muslim? What else would you like for us peaceful Moslems to do?  Sit on the bombs ourselves?  I’m all for making the world a better place, but how do I do that with my ass falling off of me?

The majority of us are just people simply trying to live our lives.  I’m sure you don’t hear of us, though.  How could you?  “Muslim working, 9-5″ doesn’t make the news.  Muslim dropping kids off at daycare doesn’t either, nor does Muslim enjoying company sponsored free seafood buffet.  Muslim slowly realizing he’s allergic to shellfish might, though.

Before you know it, a whole lotta people are blamed for the actions of some.

That’s not to say Muslims or Islam is in any way near perfect.  Far from it.  We’ve got our problems, like any large, multiracial, and multicultural group would.

One complaint I always had was that Muslims should lighten up and be less judgmental of other Muslims.  The liberal use of the word haram, meaning sinful, is another.  Because haram is everywhere.

I’m haram.  You’re haram.  Is anyone out there not haram?  Come on, people, save the judging for Allah and the afterlife.

Yup, we’ve got issues all right.  And the fucked up, crazy minority is one of them.  Sad that only the stupid ones are heard and spoken about.  Such as this guy.

*Shaking my head in disbelief *

Forget sharing minute similarities of the same faith.  Right now I’m embarrassed to be part of their species.

When I was in middle school, I made the mistake of making fun of the religion of a couple of classmates that had been teasing me.  Yes, I went there.  I regretted it almost immediately, though, and apologized soon after.

I saw the bewilderment and hurt in their eyes at the insult to their god and their religious practices.  I decided  that that was a level I never wanted to stoop to ever again.  A person’s religion is beloved for him or her.  It’s their way of life.  And to ridicule something that important to someone else would truly be a callous thing to do.

In the words of Homer Simpson, “Jesus, Allah, Buddha! I love you all!”

But that’s just me and my way of doing things.  I can’t shove that opinion onto someone else.  If you want to draw cartoons, you should be able to draw cartoons, whether they offend people or not.

I remember watching a news special on the KKK once.  The African American mayor of a large city was in charge of and had to provide the security for the rally that the group intended to host that day.  And of course he didn’t agree with them in the least.  But it was their right.  And rights are and should be equal for all, bucktooth ignoramus included.